With a house, you view it once, like it, view it again just to make sure. Some houses you walk in and you think yeah, got good vibes, some you walk in and it's a straight no no. Call it instinct if you like. I am not one to believe in ghosts or spirits or all that mumbo jumbo, but more and more I am beginning to change my thinking. It's probably because I cannot explain the paranormal in a scientifically proven way that I am sceptical about it. I am sure there is something in it, though what, I do not know.
When we went to view 5 Fellows Road, just over 10 years ago, we had Mitchell who was nearly 2 and a half, and Jasmine who was just 2 months old with us. It was a lovely summers day, the house was empty, had a lounge diner, large kitchen, 3 double bedrooms upstairs and a lovely patio out back through french doors from the dining room. The garden was larger than the one we had in Bristol. It needed a bit of work, but it felt right; somehow the house made us feel like we would be happy there. Mitch had gone and sat on the steps leading down onto the patio, reading his Thomas the Tank picture book. How he loved Thomas and all his friends.
The funny thing about the house was that I had gone into the estate agents to pick up details of a house I had seen advertised and picked up Fellows Road by mistake. It wasn't even one that we considered as it was about £10,000 above our budget at the time. As I had the details, we decided to go for a walk to see it before we arranged a viewing. We found that we really liked the tree lined street, with it's semis and detached houses mostly mock Tudor style. We arranged a viewing, then another just before we left to go back to Bristol, where we were living but had to relocate to Nottingham in 2 months time. We put in an offer and it was accepted and 8 weeks later the house was ours. Now with a house purchase, you put in an offer, you buy it, but you cannot take it back!
We made it our home and slowly began to make improvements as our finances allowed. We were happy there, the kids loved their little house and were very upset when we told them of our decision to sell it, with our imminent move to Canada after having lived in Trinidad for almost a year.
So, a few major life changes coming up. Another big move, change of job for Dave, a change of schools for the kids, a change of country and culture for us all, selling of our family home in Beeston, and hopefully purchasing a new home in Canada. All in all, if you look at it from a mental health point of view, a recipe for adventure or disaster depending on the individuals mental well being!
Dave and the kids have adapted well and appear to be coping. The kids are happy in school and have made many friends, and for this I am grateful. My resilient children. Jasmine is definitely happier and is really enjoying school and this is reflected in the quality of school work she is producing. Mitch is entering the teenage years, and therefore his progress is up and down, more up I might add. He is working very hard at school and is as conscientious as ever, maybe not so eager to please, but this is a good thing - I would prefer him to work hard for his self progress than to try to please his teachers.
Dave is adapting to work and is wielding his way into the psyche of the workforce here. His role is slightly different here compared to Trini, but still as challenging. Things are going well.
I am not sure where this is going, my thoughts are truly rambling tonight. I guess that just leaves me. I am not working as yet. I have applied to the College of Nurses, Ontario for my license to practice in this province. It will take another 9-10 weeks to process, and if I qualify, I will be able to work here as a nurse, and will be expected to sit an exam to get a permanent license. My work permit application has gone back to the immigration department to have some restrictions removed, following a medical to prove I wasn't a threat to the public health. I am not sure whether I want to nurse anymore. I feel like I am at a crossroads.....
For a person that is not working, I am tired. I am tired of all the hurdles we have had to jump across, sometimes stumbling and falling flat on our faces. Tired of picking myself up, dusting the dirt off, and trying to jump again before all the wounds have healed. Adapting to life here has not been easy for Dave or I. I have blogged about credit history, talked about my work permit, no driving history on Canada meaning our insurance premium is sky high, driving on the right, all whilst also trying to sell a house back home. I am trying hard not to sweat the hard stuff. Mostly I succeed, but I have very little distraction, being at home all the time.
I feel exhausted by all that is going on in our lives. I want to go AWOL like the buyer of our house has, and answer to no one. I don't want to think about anything for a while. Perhaps I ought to have another go at meditation, find my inner peace; that warm, bright light, that will help me stay calm and cool when the heat is on.
In the big scheme of things, all this will seem trivial, when we eventually sell the house, or let it out again. It's all sorted, thought out. In some ways, perhaps the buyer has done us a favour, in fact, I know she has. By not completing the quick sale that we expected, she has prevented us from rushing into the property market here. I remember saying to Dave that I do not really want to make quick, rash decisions that we may regret later, when we were here in June, checking Toronto out before our trip back to the UK for the summer.
I got what I wanted, but I can't help feeling this dragging feeling, pulling my spirits down....
It's just a phase, I know, and I will bounce back before long But I have been hit with this fatigue since yesterday afternoon and cannot seem to shake it. Part of me thinks my body's fighting a virus, but another part thinks it may be psychosomatic. Whatever it is, I don't like it! I want it to go away.
Sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself, doesn't it? Maybe I am, so what? I'm entitled just as the next person is , hehehehehe. I am glad I wrote this down, I am beginning to feel better already. Beginning to see the lighter side of life...... I know things will improve, I need to be more patient, and it will all fall into place, and I will feel triumphant, a bit like when you finish a jigsaw, putting the last piece of the puzzle down, the picture complete. What is the picture? We'll just have to wait and see.
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