I don't want to be a part of this family anymore

Hoodie on, shoes on, face all huffy, Mitch was ready to leave the apartment.  This was after an argument and a brief altercation and fisticuffs with Jasmine. I want to leave, let me leave... NO, says I. Why not, says he. Because your earlier behaviour means you have lost your privileges to go out. Then the bombshell, I don't want to be a part of this family anymore! I am fed up with having to share my room with my sister,(a few expletives here, which I will not write), and I am fed up with you and dad ruling my life.  Well, you are not leaving! Why? Let me go, you can't stop me, it's a free country. Actually, I am stopping you, you are only 12, I am still responsible for your well being and welfare and what I say goes... NO! Says he, I want to leave. I'd rather die than stay here with you!

I would like to say that the above happened with Mitchell shouting and me talking calmly, but nothing could be further form the truth. I was shouting too, and not handling the situation very well. I was very close to tears, and didn't really know what to do. I said he couldn't leave, he wasn't old enough, and where would he go, it was getting dark and it was very cold out.  He said he was old enough to look after himself, which I disagreed with.

If I could live that episode again, I would handle it better. I would ask him to calm down (which would probably do not good) and say, I am sorry to hear you feel that way. Please can we talk sensibly about this when you have calmed down.  We can have a sensible conversation about what has happened and what we can do to improve things for the future.

What happened was, I stood my ground, blocking the door, and he backed off (phew!), and locked himself in our bedroom.  He refused to come out. He did not have his phone or laptop, as I had taken all these away from him earlier for fighting with Jasmine. I got on to the phone to Dave, to find out when he would be back, was crying on the phone..... how awful I felt, not in control of the situation and having my son reject us all.....I tried to put it down to hormones, but was it just hormones, were we really that terrible to live with?

I checked Jasmine was ok, and gave her a cuddle, as she had come out to cuddle me, when she heard me crying on the phone to Dave. She said, don't cry mummy. I wonder who's looking after whom sometimes, but guess the answer is that we all look after each other.  We talked and I asked if she could try to be a bit tidier in her bedroom as she was sharing with Mitch, and that was one of his biggest bugbears, that Jas cannot keep her side of the bedroom tidy. Jasmine said she would try. Then she tried to coax Mitch out of my bedroom with no success.

By the time Dave returned, all was calm, Mitch still locked away, Jasmine on the sofa with me. Dave got into the bedroom by taking off the chain to the door from the outside. Mitch went and locked himself in the bathroom then.... I had visions of him self harming....but also thought he was too sensible for that. Whilst he was in there, Dave and I discussed what we could do about the sleeping arrangements, perhaps Jasmine could share our bedroom, giving Mitch his own room. Jasmine said she would go and sleep in the bathroom! It would only be for another 4.5 months, when our lease on this apartment will end.  We will look for a 3 bedroomed apartment or townhouse...Do not worry, we weren't going to let her sleep in her bathroom, hehehehe

Eventually, he came out, and had some food, though I knew he had no appetite, neither did the rest of us really.  We had a family meeting then, and everyone was fairly calm, I apologised to Mitch for shouting at him earlier and not managing the situation well.  Mitchell had his say, Jasmine contributed a bit and some decisions were made re laptop use during school days, general tidiness of their bedroom and how we all have to practice just a little bit more tolerance and patience, but only for a while longer. Dave was calm throughout, like a referee.

Sigh, family life, full of strife at times. Kids growing up, becoming more independent and being assertive. When conflicts occur, fights are not the answer, conflict resolution is. Sometimes though emotions run high and all hell breaks loose....not nice to witness or be part of...

I am writing this about 2 days later, all is calm again, Mitch and Jas are still in the same room, hope the waves stay calm, the volcano dormant and no tsunamis are forecast......

I have learnt from this experience and should anything like this happen again, well, I will try to diffuse the situation before it escalates, but if it does, I will strive to stay calm, and talk things through sensibly. Most of all, I want the children to realise that their feelings and opinions count, they are what makes us a family, and we should stick together, through thick and thin, even if we don't like each other every now and again. We are stuck with each other, we do not get to choose our families.....