Feeling emo

Deep sigh, what am I doing in Canada???

Feeling very unsettled today, despite having fun making some toys for the kids and baking some bread.

Try as I might I cannot shake this cloud over my head.... I am hoping it is just emo week.

I have asked Dave if he could cope if I returned to England, to work, earn some money to pay for the house at home... would the kids come with me or stay with him? He said he would cope but did not want me to leave him......sigh..

I am not in a very nice place at the moment. Maybe it's because it CNY and a time for family and we have no real family here.... I have no real family in the UK either, apart from my in-laws, which is Dave and the kids real family. At least they would have their family. This is the life I have chosen for myself. Choice eh?

I could say, I had no choice, I had to come to Canada, though this is not strictly true. We had to come as it was where Dave's job lead us. Had to come?? Of course not, we had a choice.... we could have found him another job, we could have gone back to England and faced a huge tax bill, I could have stayed back in the UK after the summer, got my old job back and put the kids back in school in Beeston.... of course we had a choice.  Whatever we do, we made that choice.

To say one has no choice would be wrong.... one holds one's own destiny in one's own hands.  Most choices are the right ones though some choices made are the wrong ones and hopefully one learns from the experience.  Long life learning- formal, informal, learning through experience, being open, looking at life and embracing it completely.

Why worry? It's time and energy wasted and it makes me feel bad. What's the worst thing that could happen??? Would I be able to pick myself up from that happening? What could I do to prevent it from happening....then  I could stop worrying?

Being totally irrational but not able to snap out of it... it must be emo week!