Day 5 since I started my new blog entitled I am what I eat....my promise was to keep a food journal and weight progress. Missed an entry yesterday. I have never really been able to keep a journal. Don't get me wrong, each new year that passes, I get a new diary or someone gives me a lovely notebook for Christmas and I think, yes, this year, I will write in it, keep a diary of my year. The first day comes and I write in it, the 2nd dawns, and I pen a few more lines, day 3, life takes over and I forget to write in it, and so on, day 10, I remember I have a diary, and quickly jot down a precis of what's happened in the last few days.... Day 12, I forget I have a diary, and never write in it again!
The closest I have come to keeping a running commentary of our lives is when Mitchell was born. I started writing a journal about how our day went, what he was doing, how he was feeding, how he was cared for, the first smile, burp, posset, colour of his nappies, visits to doctors, immunisations, teething and sleeping cycle, you get the idea. I really enjoyed doing this, I may not have written in it every day, but most days, and kept it going until Jasmine was born, then Dave decided he wanted to write in my journal, took over completely and I stopped writing in it..... We have about 7-8 of these journals about the children's early days. The writing has come to a standstill now, Dave continues to make notes on backs of envelopes in the hope of catching up with his writing. I have my blogs, but not everybody wants to read about my kids achievements and quirky ways but they do say the funniest things at times and show me up big time, hey ho, I can live with it, I learn from them as much as they learn from me.
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| No chance of wearing shoes like this! |
Anyway back to the title of this blog. I have battled with my weight since I was about 9 years old. It seems I discovered food then. I still remember the entries on my primary school report card, we were weighed and heighted every term, so 3 times a year. At age 7, we started school, Standard 1, and the record is as follows, 1st Term, ht-4 ft, wt-50lbs; Term 2, ht-4ft1 wt-51lbs; Term 3 ht-4ft2, wt- 51lbs. So far so good, grown 2 inches, only 1lb of weight put on. I won't bore you any more with detailed records, but when I was 8, I weighed 80lbs at the end of that year... I put on a whopping 30 lbs in a year, ok, I'd grown about 4 inches too, but 30 lbs!! That was the start of my weight problems and onward and upward it crept, when I left primary school at age 12, I was 5ft 2inches tall and I weighed 140lbs... 10 stone to my UK readers. Not all that bad, you say? Considering all my Malaysian female friends who I went to school with never ever reached that weight as an adult, even when pregnant, it was bad, well I was overweight and the weight just kept piling on and on and on. If there was one thing that I was good at when I was growing up, it was putting on weight!
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| 9 yrs old and 90lbs in weight, did not look fat though! |
All my family used to tease me and point out all the fat people to me, saying that I was related to them. I reacted by eating more, showing them how I fat I could become, detrimental to my own self image and health in the end, but when you're a teenager, it's not difficult to get it wrong. I got it wrong BIG time, lol, the operative word there- BIG. I was so big, I could not buy clothes of the peg at stores, they had to be specially made the dressmakers. This started earlier on, and I just took it to be normal, as my mum, who was petite in comparison, always had clothes made at the dressmakers. My feet grew along with the rest of me, and I ended up having to have shoes custom made for me too. My feet are w-i-d-e, wider than some men's and so finding shoes to fit is a nightmare, right to this day.
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| Looking positively slim, yet I was over 90lbs in weight. |
For the next 2 years, I attended 6th Form in boys school, and I took to eating sensibly, reducing my calorie intake to about 1000 calsok. From then on my weight has fluctuated and I am fighting the battle of the middle age spread!
When I left for the UK to do my nurse training, I decided to get fit and lose the weight I had put on since leaving school, I cannot recall what I weighed, but at the height of my fitness, about the time I met Dave, I weighed just under 10 stone! I got into size 12 clothes for the first time ever! The old size 12, from being a size 16, this was a great feeling. This was achieved through swimming everyday for at least 30 minutes, and eating a diet of about 1500 calories a day. I ate lots of salads, cottage cheese and about half of what I consume now, when I reflect on it. I cut out all the naughty things like crisps, chips, biscuits, chocolate etc and ate loads of fruit and veg. In fact my diet is the same now, apart from the fact that I am not watching the portions that much. Plus my exercise levels are not quite so high, I used to swim a mile a day, and it took about 40 minutes, and I lived on top of a hill in Bristol and I used to power walk up it to get home from work.
I now have a pool downstairs, a small gym too, yoga classes not too far away, yet here I sit on my fat ass and write this blog! I weighed myself this morning at the gym, back to 176 lbs- this was my constant weight in Trinidad, last year, so no yoyo-ing which is good, but I have to lose some weight. So need to up the activity and down the portion size. I do not deprive myself of any foods, and I eat according to what my body tells me I need to eat.... my body is definitely betraying me, perhaps my brain can take over? I cannot cut down on alcohol calories, because I don't drink anyway, I cannot cut down on chips, because I don't eat those, we have no cake in the house, we have biscuits but I can leave them alone...
I guess I had a bad week last week, my body was telling me to eat, so I ate. This week, I'm fine, I'm full after small portions... it will all pan out I hope, but lose weight I must. My darling keeps telling me I am not fat, but I am overweight. No darling in their right mind would tell their darling's their fat, are you kidding me? They value their lives!
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